


List of things the Rogues are not allowed to do in the safehouse

by Amber_Flicker



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Gen, Lists, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, the rogues and their antics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 06:16:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6554299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amber_Flicker/pseuds/Amber_Flicker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Created by Captain Cold</p>
<p><strike>Edited by Hartley Rathaway and Lisa Snart</strike> NO.</p>
<p>All changes must be approved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	List of things the Rogues are not allowed to do in the safehouse

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Exhaustive List of Things Dr. Rush Is Not Allowed To Do On Destiny](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1723253) by [TheElusiveOllie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheElusiveOllie/pseuds/TheElusiveOllie). 



1\. Hartley is not allowed to hack into the rogues computers or other devices to annoy, lurk, or 'just to see how good our security is.'

1\. The last one was a perfectly good reason and you know it.  
2\. I said no.

 

2\. Lisa is not allowed to turn the furniture into gold. I don't care if it's 'not pretty enough.'

 

3\. ~~Mark is not allowed to fly around the house, for fun or any other reason.~~ Mark is not allowed to use his powers inside. Do you have any idea how hard it was to get that snow out of here? Fucking carpet's ruined.

1\. It wasn't a very nice carpet anyway.  
2\. See, Lisa agrees. I should make it snow more often.  
3\. DO NOT USE RAIN OR LIGHTENING NEAR MY WORK DAMNIT. DO YOU NOT WANT THIS EQUIPTMENT? DO YOU WANT YOUR NEXT HEIST TO FAIL MISERABLY BECAUSE YOU RUINED MY WORK?  
4\. Hartley, calm down. Mark, this is why the rule is on the list. Rogues need to follow rules.  
5\. Thought you liked the cold, Cold.

 

5\. Mick can't try to cook with his heat gun. 

1\. mm, burnt cookies. _Just_ what I want the safehouse to smell like.  
2\. Cut the sarcasm, Hart.

 

6\. Shawna is not allowed to poof into the bathroom for any reason. Knock, damnit.

 

7\. You are not allowed to have prank wars.

1\. Putting hair dye into my shampoo is not funny.  
2\. I disagree.  
3\. I will destroy you, mardon.  
4\. You are too smol.  
5\. HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO DO THAT OH MY GOD HARTLEY  
6\. Don't underestimate me.

 

8\. Lisa is not allowed to make dinner. Or lunch, or any other meal.

1\. No one likes my cooking skills...

 

9\. No one is to fraternize with Iris West. I don't even know how you got to be on friendly terms with her, but stop. You're all a bad influence on eachother.

1\. But Lenny, she's so much more fun than you!

 

10\. No one is allowed to talk to Hartley about Wells. Just don't. 

 

11\. ~~No more shopping cart races.~~ No more visiting the store all together.

1\. Aw, but I liked cart racing!  
2\. And setting off the entire fireworks display? fuckin' epic.  
3\. ...I can't even-  
4\. -what is wrong with you-  
5\. -that was a disaster  
6\. I think we broke Hart  
7\. I call it the cart race incident

 

12\. Never put mini marshmallows all over my bed again. Do you have any idea how long that took to get cleaned up?

1\. Says the man who laid down on them.  
2\. The mini marshmallow adventures  
3\. What, no cool comeback for us, lenny?  
4\. I looked for marshmallows and found NONE

 

13\. What. The. Fuck. No writing fanfictions of us.

1\. You didn't know this was a thing?  
2\. I knew it was out there, I didn't know you guys were writing it  
3\. Fuck it. If you're going to, at least keep it hidden so we don't know what it is you're writing. I'm scarred for life.

 

~~14\. Lenny, why are you sneaking out at night all the time?~~  
1\. This isn't a message board, Lis.  
2\. You're avoiding the question~  
3\. None of your damn business

 

15\. I do not, and have never, had any romantic connections to the Flash.

1\. DENIAAALLL  
2\. He doth protest too much  
3\. That goes for me and Cisco Ramon too. Why would you even think anything like that? We hate eachother. We fight every time we meet.  
4\. Oh Hart, that's flirting... you and len don't even realize it... that's so cute  
5\. Fuck you.

 

16\. You aren't allowed to ask where the others spend their cut of the money.

1\. Obviously mine goes to various shiny things...  
2\. I just kinda save most of mine  
3\. Mick probably buys matches :P  
4\. And we all know what Hartley does with his.  
5\. Well yeah, buys tech stuff.  
6\. Not just that...  
7\. Stop talking, Mark. You remember what happened last time you messed with me.

 

17\. Don't mess with anyone else's weapons. We don't need a repeat of last time.

 

18\. Hartley and Shawna are not permitted to work together to play music throughout the safehouse. I don't care if you think the songs relate to the Rogues.

1\. They just don't appreciate our hard work Hart...  
2\. If you're saying 'my heart is gold and my hands are cold' doesn't fit you and your sister, you're lying  
3\. Mick, don't encourage it.

 

19\. Hartley is not allowed to stay up and/or not eat.

1\. He almost broke his record of 60 hours!  
2\. I've found him collapsed in random places so many times. Go to fuckin' bed, rathaway.  
3\. SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK  
4\. I think he drank a shit ton of coffee again...  
5\. You're not you when you're hungry

 

20\. Lisa and Shawna may not go for 'girl's night out' without someone responsible to supervise.

1\. Fuck you, lenny.  
2\. The bar had to close down after you scared away all their patrons.

 

21\. We're not having karaoke night. 

 

22\. Hartley is not allowed to lock us out of the safehouse because he's irritated. 

1\. Edit: he's also not allowed to lock us in our rooms. Do you have this whole place wired, Hart?  
2\. Of course.

 

23\. No one is allowed to go antagonize S.T.A.R labs for the hell of it.

1\. Except you.

 

24\. Everyone is required to have mandatory check ups with me(Shawna).

1\. I mean it.  
2\. '404 error: scientist not found'?? Really Hartley?  
3\. 'He's gone with the wind' is not an excuse, Mark.  
4\. 'I'm feeling golden' is not getting you a pass, Lis.  
5\. LEN. I BELIEVED IN YOU.  
6\. Mark... leaving a note saying 'i'm feeling under the weather' just makes you sound sick, you realize that? I swear you're the worst out of everyone, this is the second time! Get your ass in here.  
7\. I am so done.

 

25\. You are not allowed to bring in strays.

1\. Ghost is adorable and you know it.  
2\. Criminals don't have kittens, Baez.  
3\. We need a mascot!  
4\. ...Honestly, she knocked everything off my workstation and I still like her.  
5\. I didn't expect you of all people to like the cat, Hart.

 

26\. Hartley is not allowed to hoard the coffee.

1\. See rule 19

 

27\. Please stop going out and starting riots. Sit in the safehouse and find a hobby.

 

28\. Stop waiting around the corner to scare people. You know who you are.

 

29\. Someone watch Hart whenever we go out for drinks.

1\. Every. time.  
2\. How does he do it  
3\. He will FIGHT YOU  
4\. All of us combined get into less fights than he does

 

30\. Lisa. Stop taking my cold gun and icing the floors so you can skate.

 

31\. Don't take videos of people when they're on pain meds. Have some respect.

1\. But Shawnaaaa  
2\. I will hurt you, Mardon

 

32\. Mick is not allowed to set up candles everywhere. 

1\. You mean you don't want the house to be on fire?  
2\. Don't sass me, Rathaway.

 

33\. Me and Lisa are not doing a re-enactment of 'Do you want to build a snowman' using the cold gun. 

1\. I'm not doing let it go either, damnit

 

34\. STOP MOVING THINGS AFTER I ORGANIZE THEM JUST TO ANNOY ME

1\. You are so ocd  
2\. Don't touch len's shit  
3\. We live in a world where millions of people go everyday without touching my shit, why can't you be one of them?

 

35\. Goddamnit, stop getting me drunk. I don't want to talk about my personal life.

1\. But haaart, you're such a cute drunk.  
2\. Fuck you, Boo.

 

36\. Mick isn't allowed to use the heat gun to melt the snow in the driveway. You got yourself arrested. We lost that safehouse because you led the police there.

1\. Mick isn't allowed to use his heat gun in the house. Period.

 

37\. 'Please kill me now' isn't to be taken as a request. 

 

~~38\. Don't call me sweethart~~ I make the rules here.

 

39\. We're criminals, stop rescuing kittens from trees. You know who you are.

 

40\. Don't talk to me before coffee. 

1\. Or Hart... Or Mick... 

 

41: Me and Mick are not your mom and dad. Stop calling us that.

1\. Okay, mother.  
2\. Your sarcasm, is once again, not welcome.

 

42\. No more game nights.

1\. But Len!!  
2\. :(  
3\. I thought it was great.  
4\. Mark is a sore loser and made a miniature tornado when he lost.  
5\. And?  
6\. What did I do to deserve this

 

43\. Talk your emotions out like reasonable people. Don't start fighting immediately.

 

44\. Don't bring your one night stands here. Use a different safehouse. Go to their house. Anything but here.

45\. Don't pull 'heists' where you get into people's rooms to take their stuff.

46\. Hartley. Don't _help_ team flash. 

1\. Fine, next time i'll let a time wraith attack you.  
2\. A what  
3\. *Long, exhausted sigh*  
4\. It's not like this is the first time.  
5\. Only when there's a good reason, Len.  
6\. You're a villian. There are no good reasons.

**Author's Note:**

> A quick fic I put together. Lots of references to other fics, various tumblr posts, and fandom stuff in general + a few from my blog ask-rogues. I felt like Len would make a list of rules. Obviously no one follows it, the Rogues are problem children :P
> 
> Come visit me at http://cliches-and-coffee.tumblr.com/


End file.
